Holiday Psychology
Do you know how to have a great holiday? I thought I did but given the number of letdowns we’ve had, our friends know there’s a fair chance they can bob round the day before we’re due back and be welcomed in for tea and cake – which makes me think I’ve definitely got a bit to learn.
A number of psychologists have set about answering the question “are holidays worth it?” and this month I’m bringing you their top three findings to help you maximise yours.
Holiday Psychology Tip # 1:
Go for three – six days
Three to six days is long enough to have a break, short enough not to get into family and friend fallout territory according to Dutch researcher Jeroen Nawijin. Such a short break limits your choice of destination but if the number of female columnists (all mothers I suspect) recounting tales of why British is best this summer, then a trip to the Cornish Riviera or the Western Isles might be just the ticket. No airport queuing, no abysmal ferry food, no lugging bottled water up to your Spanish self-catered apartment and all the rest of it. But if you are flying this summer, pay the extra bit for decent daytime flights from your nearest airport. This year we’re going for six nights to a place we booked based on being able to get their during daylight hours from Luton airport 10 miles up the road.
Holiday Psychology Tip #2:
Do something memorable and end on a high
I’ve written about ‘peak-end theory’ in past mailings which basically says that the way us humans remember things is skewed in favour of what happened at the end of the experience and the highest emotional point during. So if your party has five nights in Normandy with an amazing time watching grey seals in the Baie de Somme on Tuesday with a seamless first class return by Eurostar on Friday you’re likely to remember it pretty fondly. Plan to do something the whole lot of you will really enjoy (in case serendipity doesn’t smile on you with an unexpected pleasure) and try and make your return as sweet as possible. This year our cleaner is coming in whilst we’re away because walking in to a greb-free kitchen, tidied toys and fresh bed linen is the best end I could hope for.
Holiday Psychology #3:
Plan to take it easy when you get back
A five page feature on holiday research findings in this month’s The Psychologist makes it abundantly clear that any wellbeing benefits accrued by holidays are very short-lived. Various reasons ensue and from my client work I’ve seen that an unmanaged workload whilst you’re away is the most parsimonious explanation. Returning to unread client e-mails and a diary of meetings is bound to wind your unwound mind back up again. If you’re a line manager it’s worth considering how your team can cover each others’ backs whilst on holiday to allow the vacationer to retain their calm and contentedness that wee bit longer on their return. Checking e-mails and keeping their diary clear for at least their first day back is a start. Various people I’ve worked with take their iphones and Blackberries on holidays for twice daily checks (and think they’re ‘good’ for this measured approach rather than constant twitching) as a way to avoid that nasty post getaway bump. To this I say, hand it over to your secretary and have done. Otherwise you’re not having a break, you’re working from (holiday) home. My intention is to have zilch e-mail contact between 12 noon Tuesday 30th August – 2pm Monday 5th September.
May I Help You?
Why not prolong your positive post holiday mood by working shortened hours on your return and booking the holiday pedicure, manicure and facial for after you get back? Failing that, get your next break booked sharpish as there’s evidence to suggest simply anticipating a holiday has therapeutic affect.
My work is about changing behaviour and helping people achieve what’s important to them both professionally and personally. If you’re finding it tricky to handle your workload, are hanging out for holidays because work’s not as good as you’d like it to be or – conversely – devoting yourself entirely to your career because your personal life is out of shape and you don’t know how to set it straight, do drop me a line and we can work it out.
This post was inspired by Vacationers Happier, but Most not Happier After a Holiday (2010). Jeroen Nawijn, Miquelle A. Marchand, Ruut Veenhoven and Ad J. Vingerhoets. Applied Quality of Life, 5, 35-47.
I really enjoyed a holiday in spain we had last year and although I didn’t get any specific me-time, having no agenda and sharing parenting 50-50 was a real breath of fresh air.
The things that were precious were eating all meals together as a family (something that happens maybe once or twice a week in ‘real life’), having time to do things together, having no tv so rediscovering a game of chess with hubby and later bedtimes and shutters on the windows meant civilised waking up times!
These are enlightening ideas. I have been luck to be able to enjoy much longer family breaks than 3-6 days over the years and I have to say that I find that I and the family seem to need longer to “switch off” and be on holiday mood. I have experienced on a regular basis the following during the first couple of days we are on holiday: random sleeping patterns from the kids (usually waking up much earlier than expected, and believe me I am used to early risers at home), grumpy faces when kids realise the fun things they expected are not going to happen right here right now the minute we arrive, tiredness all around. I also find myself so tired for the first week or so (and so does my partner) that we could just fall asleep anywhere anytime and the children are usually still up when we only want to go to bed! it is like our bodys need a bit of time to adjust. Finally, this has not affected me directly (I manage to switch off work very easily) but I always remember my dad saying that he needed at least 2 weeks to forget about work issues he had left behind. i suppose all this can be tackled before going away, such as leaving your work place in a good state as you suggested Jessica, also I have learned not to talk to much about the holidays plans and what is going to happen there to the children in order not to raise their expectations and get the tantrums if the fun bits cannot happen straight away. At the end of the day, surprises are also good for children, take the days how they go…You live and learn I suppose and I would also make sure that I don’t arrive too late in the holiday place and that the place has everything you need. There is nothing worse than having to make beds and have no hot water to bath and relax the children when you arrive at night and everyone is tired…Having said all this it sounds like I don’t enjoy going away too much, but I do! I and the family just need a while to adjust! I am also going to experience for the first time a UK one week break at october half term and surpringly find myself rather looking forward to it and not really stressed about it all!
Helen, Mathilde
Great to hear how relaxing and rejuvenating you make your holidays with your children. The change of pace and the interruption to habits and the usual routine is a great break in itself that’s tricky to achieve without packing bags and de-camping to another place. I know what you mean about unwinding Mathilde and I haven’t done a two week holiday since my honeymoon so that would be a ‘do something different’ with my children. I like your tip about keeping things as a surprise for children as it has the dual benefit of you being able to change plans last minute if needs be. I have an ‘anticipatory’ pleasure style which means I find the whole looking forward to holidays very gratifying - and so I describe to my children where we’re going, what we’ll be doing etc. You’ve nudged me to try saving some of this to share with them just before it happens - thank you. Helen - good luck with all future chess games, I’ll be attempting to get my husband interested in Scrabble again.
Funny, I’ve just got back from a 2 week holiday with my family, only to realise very quickly that I cannot cope with the amount of work I immediately lined up for myself the day after returning at 2am!! Being a freelancer, every penny and working day counts, especially when you’ve had 2 weeks unpaid leave! However, it’s not worth the stress and pressure, so in future I’m giving myself a couple of extra days to ease myself back in and avoid plunging myself back in to the daily grind and stress of combining work & motherhood. Oh, and piles of holiday clothes to wash, and food to buy, and post to sieve through, and………..!!