Channel Five’s Vanessa Show contacted me about Vanessa Feltz’s TV show in April 2011 to talk work and motherhood with particular reference to the article Katie Hopkins (ex-Apprentice contestant) wrote about the need for women to take shorter maternity leaves. My first thought was yes, she’s right about extended maternity leave not being good for women. Not realising I would be on the show with the formidable and slightly characteurish Katie Hopkins, I was prepared to defend her outlandish views to the viewers at home.

As it was, I was pitted against Katie in the name of ‘good TV’ having been advised by Vanessa herself in the make-up room that my moderate view (that the world needs to be more accepting of individual choice when it comes to the way women combine work and motherhood) would not do – that I needed to have an opinion. That’s where we have to disagree as I think it’s exactly what’s needed and it most definitely is a valid view.

Frustratingly, the Vanessa Show isn’t the Radio 4 style debate platform where we can get into gritty banter, jump in to make a point and talk over our guests Today Programme stylee so I had to wait to be invited to speak by Vanessa. So much went unsaid and so here’s my view on maternity leave built up through years of working with ‘women returners’ and researching maternity leave and working motherhood for my book, Mothers Work!

Katie’s basic assertion that companies aren’t there to pay for women’s maternity leave is flawed because there’s a ‘war on talent’ (a phrase coined by the management consultancy McKinsey some year years ago) which means that we need female talent more than we ever did. Ergo, if we don’t support their return from maternity leave – and allow them sufficient time off for bonding and to adjust to this massive life event – then we’re simply not going to get happy, productive workers back into the force. More than this though, Katie’s outlandish view (one I’m sure she’s deliberately affected so as to sidle up to some of the backward-boys-network companies she wants to court for speaking engagements and consultancy work) is totally flawed as it rests on the idea that pregnancy and maternity is somehow a “woman’s issue” and a minority choice.

Giving birth to the next generation of human beings is something everyone should be interested in and the burden should not fall to women to sort this mess out any more than it has to. It’s enough that we’re the ones who tolerate all we do in the gestatation and birthing periods.

Having children is one of the most natural things a human being can do and it’s something the majority of people do, do. Katie Hopkins talks as though we’re referring to a tiny minority of people who have somehow made an odd lifestyle choice, akin to someone taking a job in London then relocating to a village outside Manchester and then expecting their employer to accommodate their request to work three days a week from home. Bonkers!

All this said, there’s a seed of value in what Ms Hopkins pedals and that’s the idea that it’s good to carry on working if you want to. I carried on doing little bits and bobs when my children were only weeks old because it seemed the natural thing to do. It was mainly writing and nothing directly with clients as I wasn’t in the place to do that either physically or mentally, nor did I want to. It’s one thing to do ‘bits and bobs’ when you’re self-employed/Director of a business and quite another to quit maternity leave to return to work for someone else.

Some other thoughts:

• Length of maternity leave – if you want to get back into the work you were doing before children, a maternity leave of no more than a year in total is advisable. Shorter maternity leaves may suit women who run their own diaries/own businesses as they can easily adjust their workload to fit the demands of baby and how they are feeling. It won’t do to rush back to work and carry on as before as we are under the influence of sleep deprivation and oxytocin both of which mean staying close to baby and bed is a good idea.

• Importance of maternity leave – psychologists studying how people cope with and adapt to significant changes in their lives show there’s a common set of emotions and cognitions most of us experience and we usually experience a period of extreme self-doubt and low confidence between 3-9 months after the ‘event’ happened (this is true whether the event is perceived as positive or negative). This being the case it doesn’t make sense to return to work so soon when the body and mind is still trying to adjust to the arrival of baby.

• Shared maternity/paternity leave – I believe the new options for families are positive. Whether men will take up the leave remains to be seen.

• Contact with work – I advocate women staying in touch with their colleagues and the world of work throughout maternity leave. The nature of this contact will vary women to woman and the idea is that this connectedness keeps confidence buoyant and diminishes the ‘imposter syndrome’ many mothers are prone to on first returning to work. I and my team of coaches run “Comeback” programmes designed to help maternity leavers maintain useful, career-enhancing contact with their employers whilst on maternity leave.

• Bonding with other mothers – having people to talk to about how you’re feeling, what you’re experiencing as a new mother is vital. However, “mummy friends” are not a substitute for pre-existing friendships and can actually be mind-numbingly dull as Rebecca Asher alludes to in her book “Shattered.”

• Ignore what others are doing – go your own way when it comes to returning to work and do what’s right for your family.

• Mumprenuership – it’s a sad state of affairs when women see no way of getting back into what they were doing before baby (legal and media professionals are two good examples) in a flexible capacity. I dislike the term ‘mumpreneur’ as I think it belittles women and suggests she’s only starting the business as a way to be able to drop off and pick up kids from school.

Mothers Work! How to Get a Grip on Guilt and Make a Smooth Return to Work is out on Monday 6^th June. I’d be delighted if you shared your return to work stories here or e-mailed me at jc@jessicachivers.com - I’m particularly keen to hear about the best and worst of experiences. Was your employer a role model in supporting you? If so, how?

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