Power of Praise
Hands up if you think lots of nice thoughts about people but don’t always share them? Some clever statistician has worked out that performance at work increases by 39% when we give informal feedback about people’s strengths compared to a decrease of about 27% when we give feedback focussed on what people don’t do well.
I run coaching workshops for managers to get quality feedback happening more often in their organisations. Last week I was with RBS in Bristol and they were astounded when I told them some people I’ve worked with think it’s unnecessary to give much positive feedback as their staff know they’re doing a good job by virtue of the fact they (the managers) are not criticising them. Not the most helpful attitude and to this I say it’s always worth reinforcing behaviour you want to get more of. Verbal praise is a simple and powerful way to make good behaviours happen time and again, especially if you explain the impact the behaviour had.
Whether you’re a mum trying to get the best out of your kids, a woman in business developing relationships with customers and clients or a leader inspiring your people (or maybe all three if you’re a mum who juggles) I urge you to offer up more praise than criticism/counsel/developmental feedback. In studies by psychologist John Gottman it’s been shown that marriages that last involve a ratio of at least 5:1 positve to negative interactions. In the same way we need to offer up more praise and recognition in business relationships if we want to retain our best people and maximise performance. Ponder your priase habits for a moment. Who could do with hearing more good stuff from you?
Perhaps you’ll nod away like the folk at RBS did when I shared the idea that one of the main barriers to giving more positive feedback is feeling embarrassed or worrying we’ll embarrass the other person. It’s natural to avoid uncomfortable situations but think about the potential difference it could make.
Today I ‘astonished’ rather than ‘embarrassed’ at least 3 members of the London Underground when I went on a mission to offer praise to one driver, a Keith Collins, on the Bakerloo line on my way to a meeting with my publisher in NW London. Said driver had come over the tannoy (wipe that smutty smile from your face, I’m being serious) with a somewhat plummy, charming voice advising of a slight delay and the reason behind it; apologies for tomorrow’s tube strike and suggestions of what we might do to get round the inconvenience before wishing me a good day and telling me that all other underground services were currently running smoothly.
Now as regular users of London transport know, whilst this might be the ideal state of affairs, it is certainly not the norm. I felt compelled to go out of my way to thank the guy to get him to keep on making tube journeys more pleasant. So I did and told him I’d be tweeting him (his face became even more puzzled at this point). My next stop was to find someone higher up the rankings at Queens Park to tell of my wonderful experience so that Keith’s attitude could be used as an example of role-model behaviour (the optimist in me believes in the ripple effect and that what I do really makes a difference). The chaps couldn’t quite get over me wanting to say something good and handed over a web address with bemused faces saying they’re only used to criticism. This is such a shame.
Four hours later I get back to my office to find an e-mail from non other than Keith Collins (the tube driver) telling me he got someone to show him twitter, saw my post and followed the links to my website. Isn’t technology amazing? To round this happy story off it turns out it’s Keith’s birthday today and I’ve made his day. I’m so glad I ran the risk of embarrassing him.
Short clip of John Gottman talking about the 5:1 ratio:
This is so true. My hubby works hard running his own business but because he is the boss the buck stops with him regarding complaints.He is always astonished albeit in a good way when occaisionally someone tells him he did a really good job and the customer was pleased.
When he comments to me on staff doing well or their work showing marked improvements I ask “did you tell them you were pleased/impressed or say well done you did a good job of that?” and he usually says no because he thinks they will want a pay rise!! But I agree praise is a real morale booster.
Hi Helen, thanks for posting, it’s great to hear other people’s real world experiences. I like that you gently nudge your husband to tell his employees - and not just you - that they are doing a good job. Pay is actually one of the things that motivates people least, assuming it is at an acceptable (in line with the market?) level already so he has nothing to fear from telling them they’re doing well. If doesn’t they might stop making the effort.
From Keith Collins by e-mail to me Weds 3/11/10:
Thank you so much for taking the time to labour through TFLs website, after a month I’ll receive a hard-copy with your details redacted, ‘an entry will be made in my holistic report’ (someone is paid to re-word ‘we’ll put a copy of that in your personnel file’), my manager will smile, and I’ll diligently go to the depot to prepare my train for service.
I used the TFL website once to commend my bus driver, as she always has a happy smile and a ‘hello’ for her regular passengers; she doesn’t slam the brakes on in whiplash-inducing fashion; and she’s great at controlling sweary schoolchildren.
The TFL website asked: was the driver male or female, I ticked female; the next question was: facial hair: none, stubble, moustache, moustache and beard.
I remain puzzled and bemused.
This is great! carrying out mid year reviews for my team at the moment, I was reflecting on your post and hopefully used the technique with one of my team members, to whom I had to announce bad performance issues today. i think it worked! I call it the sandwich technique: find good and bad points to talk about, and layer as follow: positive points first, then negative, then finish off with more positive notes!
I also think I was taking praise for granted in my team, because I am used to them performing extremely well and I have been lucky not to have any performance management issues up to now. it is easy to forget to say good things when everything is going well anyway! But having to tackle one’s performance has made me think again about re-enforcing what they are doing so well as a team!
Hi Mathilde, thanks for sharing what you’re doing with your team. How great to be working among strong performers who make your work rewarding. The “feedback sandwich” is a useful technique if the person you’re talking to is prone to focussing/dwelling on the parts of their performance that need developing rather than seeing the balanced picture. In my experience - and the leaders I’ve worked with - the “F/S” is best avoided when the ‘meat’ of the conversation is likely to be lost on a person if there’s too much ‘bread’ or praise around it. I hope your team recognise your talents and regularly feedback to you too.
Praise can do some many things. It can make us feel really great about ourselves and a job done. It can also encourage us to do more. I praise my children and my friends. I am not sure how my friends feel about it. The children I see I constantly praise as they have been brave enough to come and see me in the first place. Like the post a lot Jessica. I look forward to reading more.
It was only yesterday that I finally succumbed to positivity to improve a relationship. I sent a text to my ex thanking him for bringing the childrens bag back from a weekend away in a neat orderly fashion, with the dirty things in one pocket and the clean things folded neatly in the bag ready to tidy back into drawers (usually screwed up). It is the first time that has happened and I thought I would thank him for it. He was so shocked by my text that he has now decided to always bring the bag back in such a way as it makes me so happy! How is that for a break through in our relationship after 5 years apart!
A little bit of praise goes a long way!
Fab. post will try and praise more. i know I maon alot and I know that is why my kids moan alot. Lead by example hey!
Steph
It’s always good to be reminded of this. I do try to tell people when I’ve had great service, praise my children often and thank my long-suffering other half for all he does but it’s easy to forget sometimes! Thanks for taking part in the Business Mums Blog Carnival.
This is a great example of how taking a few minutes out of your day can improve the lives of others. It would’ve been so easy to let that pass un noticed and unremarked upon. We all know how good we feel when we receive a compliment or positive feedback - it’s good to remind ourselves to give it back!
Hi, I’m new to your blog, looking forward to finding out more