Have you got a friend or foe upstairs in that beautiful bonce of yours? A helpful little thing that calms, soothes and bolsters? Or a Meddling Martha that undermines, irritates and hinders you? Hmmm, ponder that one a moment.

I’ve got a lovely new client who’s noticed her Meddling Martha has gone into over drive since she quit corporate life to go solo. You might know the sort of thing – an inner voice that questions decisions, gives back-chat about your abilities and repeatedly refers to the idea that everything’s about to go fantazmagorically wrong. So given now is not a great time (when is?) for her upstairs to be blathering on about screwing up, our fortnightly coaching sessions over the blower usually include a few minutes of ‘Martha management.’

A few years ago I questioned a sagacious (male) psychologist about how he came to be such a composed, confident human being. Amongst other things he told me of his belief that no one is better than him. Much discussion followed about what is meant by ‘better’ and the benefits of holding such a belief but for the purposes of my thought to you today, believe me that far from being arrogant, this man represents deserved and healthy high self-esteem. I cannot imagine he has much of an inner critic.

When psychologists talk about self-esteem they are talking about how people perceive themselves in relation to statements such as “I feel that I’m a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others,” and “On the whole I am satisfied with myself” and “I am able to do things as well as other people.”* A strong, positive response is associated with high self-esteem and I believe we can turn statements like these into daily mantras that feed our self-esteem and quiet our Meddling Martha.

Imagine fuelling yourself up with a big helping of “Today is going to work out pretty much as I want it to” on top of your porridge and snacking on “I’m really pleased with my progress” mid-morning, followed by oodles of “I’m just as good as everyone else” at lunch time. You might feel daft at first but who cares? I got through some shaky times as a young twenty-something with my home-made, calorie-free mantra snacks. And whilst you’re feeding on those, Martha can’t get a look in. As with much in life it’s better to ignore the negative and try and build up the positive.

More recently I’ve read about preliminary evidence for the positive effects of meditation on thinking habits from Rebecca Semmens-Wheeler’s research at the University of Sussex (The Psychologist, June 2009). Her comparisons of regular, infrequent and non-meditators found that frequent meditators displayed less thought-control and thought suppression than the non-meditators, along with increased mindfulness and behavioural self-control. My interpretation of that is that meditation could be a useful tool in silencing Meddling Marthas altogether.

What are you taking away from this post?

The promise to serve yourself plentiful helpings of positive mantras every day. Only you can re-write the records that play in your head.

Share this: